"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him." Aldous Huxley

Nov 19, 2021
All of life's obstacles, challenges, and heartbreaks shape us, whether they've been created or we are just victims of circumstance.
They mold us into whom we CHOOSE to be.
How we rise from those situations speaks to our integrity.
What we do with that experience is what sets us apart from the ordinary man.
An ascended man does not ignore the situation and wishes the experience away.
An ascended man does not blame another.
An ascended man does not avoid the lessons and the healing.
An ascended man does not spiritually bypass.
An ascended man faces the experience head-on.
An ascended man learns from his lessons and dives deeper into his healing.
An ascended man takes responsibility for his part without guilt and shame.
An ascended man connects into his heart.
An ascended man commits to become a better man.
An ascended man shares his love...
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"Upleveling" your next relationship experience requires you to level up!—no such thing as something for nothing.

Nov 18, 2021
Our past relationship experience taught us what lessons we needed to learn.
If you continue to ignore the lessons and neglect the healing that your past relationship is asking of you, you will continue to settle for the same sh**ty relationship and call it "awww I am just unlucky" or "it's not in the cards for me." or sarcastically say "I get all the crazies"
The consequence of not diving deeper into our soul's patterns and habits becomes a place of scarcity and perpetual tolerance.
Raising our standards or not even knowing what our standards are is an injustice, especially when we don't connect fully to what and who we are choosing.
Healing and expansion require us to create space for miracles to appear. We need to show up to receive what we truly desire and also release what no longer serves.
Not just relationships that don't fit in, but releasing our own behaviors that don't fit into what we truly want. It's about being that...
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Relationships are a soul contract.

Nov 09, 2021

We often have a hard time letting go of people that are not a good fit for us or not choosing us back as they should.

But one of the absolute requirements of a relationship is that both people choose each other.

It may sound weird, but this is the absolute truth.

It's a contract agreed upon by BOTH souls.

And if only one person agrees, it's not a relationship; it quickly becomes a "situationship."

It becomes someone hurting, wishing, grasping, and engaging in childlike behaviors.

So often, we don't realize that this hurt comes in at an early age when we had a parent or caregiver not there for us when we needed them the most, and so we are magnetically drawn to these people that don't entirely choose us and are not there for us as well.

It may sound too obvious, but part of the prerequisites of a relationship is someone that chooses you back. A all in, despite the challenges that a union brings.

Because it's in those challenging moments is when we turn towards each other and...

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If it often feels uncertain, tumultuous, and unpleasant - it's not love.

Oct 27, 2021
It can often be easy for us to remain in the push-pull pattern of the anxious and avoidant dynamic with someone.
This toxicity can often mask itself as authentic love when it's often a reflection of an attachment wound we've not healed.
Often, it can feel stimulating and very addicting, masking as this "special magnetic bond" story we keep telling ourselves so we can justify staying and enduring a chaotic reality.
These toxic relationship cycles are not only harmful, but they also prevent us from evolving and growing.
It is often difficult to recognize this because our cultural conditioning, media, and ridiculous daytime television reinforce this push and pull harmful "drama."
There is a much more peaceful and healthy way because extraordinary relationships don't have drama and turmoil as pre-requisites; they are rooted in safety, maturity, and growth.
This means to take responsibility and overcome these patterns and draw a healthy boundary...
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Your life is unfolding if you will allow it.

Oct 18, 2021

Shortly after an ending, especially in relationships, it can be absolutely terrifying in that critical time. I remember getting laid off in 2008, and there were so many unknowns... who am I without my career? How will my life unfold now? Holy crap, who's going to pay the mortgage!

This is especially terrifying in love and relationships.

Everything is nothing of what it looked like. Everything is blurred, and anxiety sets in because we don't know where life is taking us... not realizing that we are in the driver's seat and can go anywhere we want. We just need to put the fuel in and go.

If you are currently in this critical time, remember that...

In those moments where it is so hard to know who you are, what you want or the direction you are heading... you are building a new path to greatness.

Don't just quit and roll over just because you don't know where you are going.

The Universe is presenting you with a clean slate; you just need to be open to growth and healing. The Universe...

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People that go from relationship to relationship often use them as a way to avoid their own wounds.

Oct 11, 2021

Quick Thought:

People that go from relationship to relationship often use them as a way to avoid their own wounds. And by never taking time to be alone or single they also never take the time to face and heal those wounds.

Relationships are an opportunity to go heal our wounds. There is no question. If we accept the invitation. They are a speedway to revealing those childhood patterns that stemmed from our own unique environments we grew up in.

There is no question relationships are an opportunity to go heal our wounds. If we accept the invitation. They are a speedway to revealing those patterns that stemmed from our own unique environments we grew up in. But often it can be very subtle. To the point where we are not even aware of those patterns and we keep repeating them because we don't take the time to go inward to understand them.

Because going in feels uncomfortable and we would just rather move on to the next person to unconsciously shield ourselves from that pain.

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LIVE: Q&A - Questions Answered!

Sep 29, 2021

LIVE: Questions Answered

To ask a question, go to www.mikefanelli.com/askmike

1. What steps do I take to get to the place where you are comfortable about letting go you will lose them forever?
2. How do you get unstuck from this sadness after 4 months of progress that seems like it is not enough.
3. I have realized I have a huge problem giving. How do I know where my boundaries are?
4. How do I stop all communication? I am afraid of losing his friendship. Every time we speak I feel like I taking a step backward.
5. My ex and I were together for three years but wanted two different relationships - him open and me monogamous. We both tried to become different from the other but could not. It created a lot of unsafely. It was so painful and we ultimately broke up because he wants love that allows for casual sexual encounters or other ‘love’. I hate it. I'm so judgemental that he would choose this over us. it feels so cheap and unsafe to me. Now I'm afraid. I'm afraid everyone...

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Claiming What I Want, Unapologetically.

Sep 27, 2021

So often we have a hard time claiming what we want.

Maybe because a part of us feels like we are not worthy of it...

Or deep down inside we truly believe that this person we are with may not be capable of giving us what our heart’s deepest desires.

Or we are dating someone and they don’t hit all the points on our wish list and we grow disappointed. We become afraid there won’t be someone else out there that is a better match, so we end up settling for a person that meets only some of our needs… abandoning some of our most precious non-negotiables.

But claiming exactly what you want is a natural filter because it eliminates those that don’t want the same things as you.

Because this journey is about you choosing, not being chosen.

This is, truly, unapologetically claiming your worth!

It’s about you saying NO more often to people that don’t feel good.

It’s about you building self-worth on your terms and that alone is the embodiment of...

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Something truly beautiful should not require you to hold so tight that you forget why you are even hanging on.

Sep 20, 2021

I used to have this habit of staying in a situation well past their expiration date. I used to give everything the time to work itself out, often naively attaching to someone and something that was so damn toxic.

I won't feel guilty or apologize because I tried to see the good in people and circumstances, even though it cost me my own well-being.

Putting the relationship before my own needs was my standard operating system. Often, self abandoning, forgetting that I too can get broken. That I too can feel all the feelings or numb them when they hurt too much.

I most often tried to keep something together and forgetting the reasons why.
Maybe to avoid the pain.

Maybe to avoid the depths I needed to go to feel all my feelings.

Maybe to avoid walking away because the pain of the known often was better than an uncertain future.

This journey requires us to connect to the truth that something easy should not feel forced.

Something beautiful should flow, not remain stagnant.

Most of us have...

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Break-ups are an initiation, and the healing is an invitation and a rite of passage to our soul's divinity.

Sep 14, 2021

When relationships end, we find ourselves at a fork in the road with two paths.

We can do what most people refer to and "move on" and then go from one person to the next, looking for the one soul that is a good match and "completes us."

OR we can embark on a transformational healing journey.

The first path guides us to see our relational breakdowns and patterns as only something that is outside of us - only see what is wrong with the person we were with and say things like "they were so _______," or make it about us and say things like "I am so ______. I should have ________."

OR the second path, where we can choose to observe the pattern as something more profound - as our lifework to do in a relationship.

If we choose the first path, we will continue to create the same type of relationship.

A relationship filled with different but similar challenges. We will experience the same predictable ups and devastating downs and the inevitable letdown as things fall apart.

If we choose the...

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