Claiming What I Want, Unapologetically.

Sep 27, 2021

So often we have a hard time claiming what we want.

Maybe because a part of us feels like we are not worthy of it...

Or deep down inside we truly believe that this person we are with may not be capable of giving us what our heart’s deepest desires.

Or we are dating someone and they don’t hit all the points on our wish list and we grow disappointed. We become afraid there won’t be someone else out there that is a better match, so we end up settling for a person that meets only some of our needs… abandoning some of our most precious non-negotiables.

But claiming exactly what you want is a natural filter because it eliminates those that don’t want the same things as you.

Because this journey is about you choosing, not being chosen.

This is, truly, unapologetically claiming your worth!

It’s about you saying NO more often to people that don’t feel good.

It’s about you building self-worth on your terms and that alone is the embodiment of...

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Something truly beautiful should not require you to hold so tight that you forget why you are even hanging on.

Sep 20, 2021

I used to have this habit of staying in a situation well past their expiration date. I used to give everything the time to work itself out, often naively attaching to someone and something that was so damn toxic.

I won't feel guilty or apologize because I tried to see the good in people and circumstances, even though it cost me my own well-being.

Putting the relationship before my own needs was my standard operating system. Often, self abandoning, forgetting that I too can get broken. That I too can feel all the feelings or numb them when they hurt too much.

I most often tried to keep something together and forgetting the reasons why.
Maybe to avoid the pain.

Maybe to avoid the depths I needed to go to feel all my feelings.

Maybe to avoid walking away because the pain of the known often was better than an uncertain future.

This journey requires us to connect to the truth that something easy should not feel forced.

Something beautiful should flow, not remain stagnant.

Most of us have...

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Break-ups are an initiation, and the healing is an invitation and a rite of passage to our soul's divinity.

Sep 14, 2021

When relationships end, we find ourselves at a fork in the road with two paths.

We can do what most people refer to and "move on" and then go from one person to the next, looking for the one soul that is a good match and "completes us."

OR we can embark on a transformational healing journey.

The first path guides us to see our relational breakdowns and patterns as only something that is outside of us - only see what is wrong with the person we were with and say things like "they were so _______," or make it about us and say things like "I am so ______. I should have ________."

OR the second path, where we can choose to observe the pattern as something more profound - as our lifework to do in a relationship.

If we choose the first path, we will continue to create the same type of relationship.

A relationship filled with different but similar challenges. We will experience the same predictable ups and devastating downs and the inevitable letdown as things fall apart.

If we choose the...

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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 6

Sep 06, 2021
 
In this video, I talk about how a breakup can trigger all sorts of anxiety, panic, and bad memories of past dating and relationship traumas.
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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 5

Aug 30, 2021
 

In this video, I talk about how past abandonments you could get extremely anxious when going through a breakup. If you were abandoned by a parent you might be particularly vulnerable to losses.

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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 4

Aug 23, 2021
 

Wherever we experience an ending, there is a part of us that feels lost. We often feel disconnected from who we are; in many ways, we lose a form of identity and leave us suddenly in a place of despair and reactivity.

especially at the beginning phases the little boy or girl in us feels afraid. We feel this sense of insecurity, of a perceived turbulent future.

We now need to get back on our feet, move on, find another place (if we're living together...) most often leaving us with this feeling of what the future brings forth.

Whenever there is a big change in our life, we are often left feeling uncertain of where life will bring us. It's perfectly understandable to feel like your world has collapsed. But ALL of your worlds has not. A big part, yes, but not all of it.

It is our responsibility to self-soothe, self-trust, and grow that security within and not put someone else or a relationship in charge of that.

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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 3

Aug 11, 2021
 
People can change —  absolutely. Anyone can make an effort to alter specific habits or behaviors. Even some aspects of attitude and personality can change over time… with some dedicated effort. Yet while people can change, not everyone does.
 
We need to realize that waiting around for someone to change keeps us in this loop of hopelessness. Which disempowers us. It puts the fate of our happiness in the hands of someone else.
 
Our happiness belongs in our hards. Waiting around for someone to change their behavior is destructive and self-toxic.

It is our responsibility to move on because waiting around for someone to change never changes them.
 
The invitation here is to release and let go. If they change, great. But you waiting around for them? Nahh... we know better than that. Don't you?
 
Move on. What will happen will happen.
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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 2

Aug 04, 2021
 

In order to process and move through past endings, the mind begins to construct stories and narratives of why the ending happened and what the breakup means about you.


This can be a really difficult part of the process because if we haven't looked at the deeper beliefs we hold about ourselves consciously and unconsciously, then our feelings of unworthiness and the story we've been telling ourselves our whole lives will receive the evidence it is looking for.

By connecting deeper to the stories and what they mean, we are able to better process the heartbreak and better understand and build more awareness. So you know more and build strength and courage with what you do know and learn from it.


That being said, not all the versions of your story are a true representation of you or a reflection of you.

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Reasons That Prevent You From Getting Over Your Ex. PART 1

Jul 27, 2021
 
So often, we become so drawn and attached to a relationship, to the person that even though there was dysfunctionality, arguing, they were not meeting all your needs or you were betrayed. It becomes so easy for us to forget those times, and we cling to the "good," and we convince ourselves that "they are the one."
 
If they were "the one" (assuming this is even possible, not everyone can be the ONE for you.), you would still be together, and you would be in peace and harmony. But you are not.
 
By hanging on to what was, we block true love. We literally tell the universe that we are not available and that we are not open to receiving a "better" match for us.
 
It is your responsibility to yourself that you must move on. Moving on means you are trusting of yourself and the universe that when you are ready. The right person will appear when you are ready.
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Isn't This What Love Is?

Jul 23, 2021

What a week this has been. 

I normally do not share my most intimate relationship details. I like to keep my private life, well, private.

I like it this way.

And the fact that I like it made me think... I only like what I like. I post photos of my relationship, videos on Instagram and Facebook of the good parts. But rarely the challenging parts.

My partner and I had a pretty heated conflict this week that has taken our relationship to another level. 

It brought us to a point where we were forced to sit in our most frightening vulnerabilities. 

During the incident, I proclaimed I would not be a protector, provider, or rescuer. I made a commitment to myself a long time ago that I would drop those old codes that smelled like old patriarchal paradigms. 

Would I save her from a burning building? Yeah of course!

Would I be there if she needed help? Absolutely.

Would I just about anything for her? Anything? Mmmm... just about. LOL 

What I meant was that I...

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