People often ask me, what is self-love?
So today I wanted to take a moment and share with you my philosophy.
Self-love, in a nutshell, is the journey of rediscovering your wholeness and attaining inner peace through the intentional practices of self-discovering, self-acceptance, and radical self-care.
It is an all-encompassing discipline of acknowledging your self-worth, being kind toward yourself, and fostering your self-growth with tools and practices throughout your life.
It is not a short term "quick-fix." as you are not broken or need repair.
Along with acknowledging your worth, needs, and goals, self-love requires the strength to recognize your vulnerabilities, challenges, and obstacles. As you do this your choices of people and situations around you shift, which leads to a better quality of life.
Self-love requires humbleness, compassion, and care for yourself for a lifetime.
The quickest way to become how you want to be is to surround yourself with people on the same vibrational frequency.
Something that unavoidably happens when you step into transformational work and create meaningful shifts in your relationship with yourself and other parts of your life is that some of the people who have been with you will no longer resonate with you.
Part of the reason for this is because you will start to notice that the relationships you thought were serving you were actually built on wounding and fear-based choices.
When you begin stepping out of your comfort zone and seeing yourself say and do things differently than what they have been used to seeing, the people around you will be deeply triggered with their own limiting beliefs.
You may hear phrases like, "you've changed,", even sarcastically. But with every sarcastic remark, there is an element of fear and truth.
If those people are in a good place in life, they will be happy for you. If they are not...
What a beautiful way to self-love when you begin to realize that you are drawn to the people that are well below your worth. To catch yourself and not chase them down.
This journey is about retraining yourself, your old patterns, and learning new ones.
Our empowerment is in recognition of the old patterns and what poor choices you’ve made and stop yourself. If you want a good relationship, start with you.
First take responsibility for the choices, compassionately, and train yourself to pause and reflect from a place of logic and inner intuition.
So, whether you are just fresh out of a relationship or are still manifesting a partner, this is a perfect time to look at why you were drawn to while in a previous relationship.
Why did you settle for particular behaviors? Why you allowed certain things, what you tolerated.
When you actually start to look at and take accountability for what you’ve been attracted to your perspective changes. Maybe you were attracted to...
In break up, you're not often even sure who you are anymore. Over and above that part of you that is angry, the part of you that is frustrated, in pain, and sad, there's an identity crisis happening and the thought that almost everything you know will now be different. There's also a biological shift that's going on in your body.
There are also all the things that are coming up. New things not from just this break-up. Feelings that have likely never been dealt with. So the first part of the break-up journey is getting in touch with what's going on in your mind, heart, and body. This observation allows us to see what's happening to take charge of them and become the author of this narrative. Releasing the old stories filled with shame, regret, and “should-haves.”
This moment in time is about connecting back to you. Please remind yourself all the time that you must be your first priority. Your healing is your number one priority. You will come up with all the world’s...
One of the most significant social dysfunctions we have is we validate our self-worth based on our relationship status. So the premise is that if someone chooses us, we are worthy of being chosen.
So, we send ourselves a message that "my self worth is in the act of being chosen," not us consciously doing the choosing.
Essentially, we count on someone outside of ourselves to be responsible for our value, validate, and accept us.
We cannot be blamed entirely for this phenomenon because there also is this acceptable societal hierarchy when it comes to relationships. If we are married, we are at the top of the pyramid. Engaged is below that and single almost at the bottom. If we are divorced, we are shamed and relegated, even lower than being single.
What is disturbing about this pyramid is that we tend to value ourselves and other people with that same criteria. We assume that someone single is miserable and "should" have someone. Or even worse, there is something wrong with them.
The Seven steps to developing an awareness of your thoughts and feelings.
Your thoughts are an inner dialogue.
Three thousand thoughts go through the mind in an hour, most of which replay themselves repeatedly. In many cases, you leaned to think these thoughts from experiences from your primary caregiver, from childhood and you've most likely been repeating them since that time.
People's actions may trigger events and unpleasant feelings. However, they are not the cause. The real cause agents are what you tell yourself, and most of what you tell yourself operate subconsciously (80% or more actually). These stories you tell yourself stem from the beliefs you hold at any given time, most of which operate subconsciously.
Reasons for developing awareness.
Your ability to choose how you think allows you to regulate or choose your response to any triggering events. The stories you carry in your mind translate indirectly into your relationships. Specifically, how you process, interpret,...
Should I stay in my relationship or should I leave?
That's a very, very powerful question and a very challenging situation to be in.
Maybe there's a lot of fighting, maybe there's financial troubles, infidelity or abuse, and you feel worn out or you feel like you're out of options. You may have fallen out of love with your partner and your heart is looking for something more.
So we often think about leaving.
We're also left wondering if we've done everything we could to save the relationship. Maybe there are children involved, maybe there is a money situation that prevents you from moving out or moving on… Maybe there's some fear, you know, when you look at a lifestyle change you might find that you're afraid of being alone.
So things are just really, really complicated.
It can feel like a tug-of-war sometimes between what our hearts tell us and what we feel is the right thing to do.
It's very difficult for us to know when the right time to leave is, right?
I know during my...