Are you attracted to what causes you pain?

What a beautiful way to self-love when you begin to realize that you are drawn to the people that are well below your worth. To catch yourself and not chase them down.

This journey is about retraining yourself, your old patterns, and learning new ones.

Our empowerment is in recognition of the old patterns and what poor choices you’ve made and stop yourself. If you want a good relationship, start with you.

First take responsibility for the choices, compassionately, and train yourself to pause and reflect from a place of logic and inner intuition.

So, whether you are just fresh out of a relationship or are still manifesting a partner, this is a perfect time to look at why you were drawn to while in a previous relationship.

Why did you settle for particular behaviors? Why you allowed certain things, what you tolerated.

When you actually start to look at and take accountability for what you’ve been attracted to your perspective changes. Maybe you were attracted to people that didn’t actually show up for you, that didn’t choose you or didn’t want to grow with you...

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Why are you with someone that doesn’t want any of that?

This is where you are experiencing what is called Wound-based Attraction.
It’s the notion that core emotional scars are attracting people that will hurt us.

It may sound strange at first; you may ask, “why would I be attracting someone that is not good for me or perpetuates pain?” But it happens on many subconscious levels.

As an act of self-love, this is where you have to take responsibility for who and what you are choosing. Now that you’re out of a relationship or may feel uncomfortable to be single is a really excellent opportunity to say:

“Okay, well when I start to see people or when I start to be attracted to someone, I need to observe what is my attraction to this person.
What is this that I want in a partner?
Why am I okay with this sketchy behavior or this situation?
What they said or didn’t say. What they did or didn’t do.

You can get curious about a couple of things:

One, you can look at your family history.
Did you have a parent or primary caregiver that didn’t show up for you? Was this emotionally or physically present for you as a child in some way? Subconsciously, we are attracted to people that don’t show up for us.

Two, ask yourself… Where did I learn in my past relationships that pain meant love?

The development of awareness of your patterns is recognizing the ability to change it and observe yourself.

“Interesting, I am attracted to this person in another city, country or continent, that is not fully present or puts their career or their self-preservation as a priority or just got out of a relationship.”

I’ve personally done all of those things in the past. That was my pattern and never realized it for a long time.

Your growth is when you actually recognize the pattern and then apply the ability to change that pattern. Questioning “why am I attracted to that person who doesn’t’ choose me back fully?” This can also refer to someone emotionally scattered or not supportive, someone who doesn’t text me back, etc..

What red flag are you ignoring before going down the rabbit hole of dreaming about starting a family and doing the thing?

We tend to do that… We start making plans and go down that hole even though our friends say “you should not have been together to start with,” or we intuitively knew they were not the best choice for us from the start. We allow ourselves to go down that road, just to be hurt and disappointed, heartbroken, and frustrated.

Is that you?
If it is, you need to stop and do the adulting thing.

Yes, I know it can be hard sometimes. But you need to grow up and break these self-destruction patterns and infuse them with more self-love by paying attention, staying alert, and staying present. Present in each moment to take responsibility for that instant when we begin to choose someone who doesn’t show up for us.

This way we can break the chain of turmoil, pain, and dysfunctionality.

Tap into that inert desire to want to connect with someone from our deepest parts of our loving core. Move away from unhealthy attachments and see the distinction between old pain attraction and true love.

The sexiness in the self-love journey is the ability to take responsibility for your choices and now making a different choice. If self-love is sexy, imagine who you can manifest when you embody that fully.