In break up, you're not often even sure who you are anymore. Over and above that part of you that is angry, the part of you that is frustrated, in pain, and sad, there's an identity crisis happening and the thought that almost everything you know will now be different. There's also a biological shift that's going on in your body.
There are also all the things that are coming up. New things not from just this break-up. Feelings that have likely never been dealt with. So the first part of the break-up journey is getting in touch with what's going on in your mind, heart, and body. This observation allows us to see what's happening to take charge of them and become the author of this narrative. Releasing the old stories filled with shame, regret, and “should-haves.”
This moment in time is about connecting back to you. Please remind yourself all the time that you must be your first priority. Your healing is your number one priority. You will come up with all the world’s excuses to call them, text them to keep in contact in any way possible. You can, and YOU MUST put your healing first, and everything else comes second. At first, it may feel like selfishness, but actually, it's just investing in yourself. It's putting yourself first and caring for your well being during this sensitive time. So I'm going to remind you repeatedly that you fucking matter, and you have to show up for yourself RIGHT NOW. These early weeks are the most critical.
That is the absolute truth. Because I care about you, I care that you create something from this. I care that you feel your feelings.
It's essential; there are a couple of biological and neurological things you need to realize that you're going through this journey of a break-up. We are all a bag of bones, water, hormones, and sometimes what you're going through feels like it doesn't make sense. You will feel like you are losing your minds.
There's a process that's unfolding from you that you need to learn, observe, and let happen. When you lose someone, that same part of our brain lights up when you are addicted to something. This is crucial and must make sense to you because when you are tempted to check social media, send a text, or try to connect with them; it's that part of the brain that is addicted to that person, to that story. A part of you that doesn't want to let go.
The moment you say this should not be happening, or "I should not feel this way," "fuck them," "he or she is that," you activate this unhealthy energy of resistance. Self-sabotaging your way to what feels like insanity. Feelings of desperation and stress. The sooner you can accept what is and allow that pain to flow through you, you avoid feelings of shame and allow that hurt to flow.
Do you see what happens here?
You will miss them; there is no doubt. You will be tempted. Maybe you continue to have ties to them with children, property, or a pet, but not accepting and not allowing will be giving the situation more power, and you want to retain that power and stay strong. This is a loss, there is no doubt. In life, losses are compounded, and if you don't allow it to flow through you, you will remain in the same state, and they will build up. So you may be feeling the effects of multiple losses at once. So stay in tune with that reality.
So I want you to recognize and take a moment to honor your resilience as you go through this. It's going to be essential that you allow that process to flow through you. Again, your healing is the number one priority. Put sticky notes everywhere to remind yourself, ask a friend to remind you. You're human. This is a normal part of the human experience, and you are going to get through it, I promise.