Isn't This What Love Is?

Jul 23, 2021

What a week this has been. 

I normally do not share my most intimate relationship details. I like to keep my private life, well, private.

I like it this way.

And the fact that I like it made me think... I only like what I like. I post photos of my relationship, videos on Instagram and Facebook of the good parts. But rarely the challenging parts.

My partner and I had a pretty heated conflict this week that has taken our relationship to another level. 

It brought us to a point where we were forced to sit in our most frightening vulnerabilities. 

During the incident, I proclaimed I would not be a protector, provider, or rescuer. I made a commitment to myself a long time ago that I would drop those old codes that smelled like old patriarchal paradigms. 

Would I save her from a burning building? Yeah of course!

Would I be there if she needed help? Absolutely.

Would I just about anything for her? Anything? Mmmm... just about. LOL 

What I meant was that I would stop feeling responsible for her emotional experience. If she got triggered by something I said or did. And try to "rescuer her," tone it down, or sugar coat it.

That I would be releasing myself from the burden of needing to rescue or pussyfoot around someone else's triggers and childhood trauma. 

I learned from my past experiences that it's extremely exhausting to do that.

I committed to holding space. Compassion. Acceptance. Love, YES! Absolutely.

But not abandoning myself by staying quiet and letting my needs be ignored.

How many of us are so afraid of the relationship breaking down when we are afraid to speak our minds?

In fear of the response?

To what might happen to the relationship?

But what is the cost?

Self-betrayal!

One of the most talked-about topics with my clients when they are experiencing a breakup. 

How they abandoned themselves during their ex-relationship.

The times where they didn't speak up and claim their sovereignty.

Betrayal is NOT limited to infidelity. It includes very simple things like lying, agreeing with people, tolerating someone who's being critical of you, putting you down, or telling others information you didn't want to be shared.

In other words, betrayal is equivalent to being deceived or even, self deceive.

I committed to staying true to myself, not hold back and speak my truth from the heart.

Unapologetically. 

The result? It took our relationship to the next level.

More trust. More Love. More Passion.

Just like that. Just for being, me. 

Isn't this what love is?

Being ourselves and being accepted unconditionally?

Yes. It. Is.

Much Love

Mike

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