When I look back upon the first 30 adult years of my life, I see how asleep I truly was. I was "thriving." I had the education, the career, climbing the corporate ladder, the houses, the cars, "the wife", the social and family life. But to be honest, I was not truly paying attention. I was asleep. I was lost.
I was living a life based on my cultural and societal conditioning. I got a job I was taught to have. I was raised believing in a religion I did not completely agree with and followed the relationship blueprint. The reality is I was on cruise control, living a life following a GPS location in which the destination was set for me. I didn't really question any of it, well, because that's what people did, and disabling the destination instructions would open up a door to shaming, guilting, and even possible societal scrutiny.
I was in relationships, but they all lacked intimacy. Why? Because I avoided all the hard conversations that required me to get uncomfortable, naked, and connecting to the truth. I was disconnected from who I truly was. The boy I abandoned at a very young age.
I had moments of happiness, absolutely, but happiness is a temporary emotion. So I would return to that dark place, looking for someone outside of me for connection. Whoever would dull the discomfort of feeling inadequate, hiding behind material possessions and external accomplishments.
I was afraid of my own pain because going there meant I would need to shed part of my existence I was so attached to.
In 2010, I shed my corporate career and later the houses, the cars, the relationship. I woke up. I woke up to deal with my wounds.
Along the way, friends and relationships dropped off as I began my journey. The more I connected to the truth, the old fell away, and all the old ways of interacting seemed superficial, scripted, and absurd. Where it was acceptable to hang out, now seemed like a waste of time, and it never felt more important to protect the sacredness of my rebirth.
I vowed that I would ONLY be in a relationship filled with intimacy and growth.
Being in a relationship, by no longer chasing something. Staying present and embracing the beauty of the moment and no longer being in a relationship where neither person gets to be themselves, avoiding intimacy to allow the ego to prevail. No longer tolerating low accountability behavior, avoiding the tough conversations, playing roles to avoid true love, no more seeking "safety," but instead cultivating it within and truly being seen and heard by speaking truthfully. Being in a relationship where neither of us gets to get away from responsibility by showing up. Fully.
Because we choose ourselves and show up for ourselves.
Choosing myself was one of the scariest choices of my life; to leave the "security" of a marriage I was in was one of the most pivotal moments of my life. Also, one of the scariest because embarking on this journey requires courage.
At some point, we all need to wake up and take responsibility and reconnect to the truth. Your truth and stop being who you don't want to be and doing the stuff you hate, walking back home to your soul's desire and embracing fulfilling relationships.
In early 2021, I will be launching a new Community Group Program that I've spent many months creating. This program will require courage. Courage from those souls that want to return home. To move away and disconnect from your conscious and unconscious survival strategies and step into your soul's divinity. To come back home to self, your power, and your infinite wisdom to support your expansion and self-actualization.
I know we must not walk this path alone.
If you would like more information on this program, contact me and let's book a discovery call or contact me via my socials or website at www.mikefanelli.com/connect
P.S. If you are on Instagram, I would love to [email protected]
Much L💙ve and wishing you a prosperous and loving 2021.