Shortly after an ending, especially in relationships, it can be absolutely terrifying in that critical time. I remember getting laid off in 2008, and there were so many unknowns... who am I without my career? How will my life unfold now? Holy crap, who's going to pay the mortgage!
This is especially terrifying in love and relationships.
Everything is nothing of what it looked like. Everything is blurred, and anxiety sets in because we don't know where life is taking us... not realizing that we are in the driver's seat and can go anywhere we want. We just need to put the fuel in and go.
If you are currently in this critical time, remember that...
In those moments where it is so hard to know who you are, what you want or the direction you are heading... you are building a new path to greatness.
Don't just quit and roll over just because you don't know where you are going.
The Universe is presenting you with a clean slate; you just need to be open to growth and healing. The Universe...
People that go from relationship to relationship often use them as a way to avoid their own wounds. And by never taking time to be alone or single they also never take the time to face and heal those wounds.
Relationships are an opportunity to go heal our wounds. There is no question. If we accept the invitation. They are a speedway to revealing those childhood patterns that stemmed from our own unique environments we grew up in.
There is no question relationships are an opportunity to go heal our wounds. If we accept the invitation. They are a speedway to revealing those patterns that stemmed from our own unique environments we grew up in. But often it can be very subtle. To the point where we are not even aware of those patterns and we keep repeating them because we don't take the time to go inward to understand them.
Because going in feels uncomfortable and we would just rather move on to the next person to unconsciously shield ourselves from that pain.
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1. What steps do I take to get to the place where you are comfortable about letting go you will lose them forever?
2. How do you get unstuck from this sadness after 4 months of progress that seems like it is not enough.
3. I have realized I have a huge problem giving. How do I know where my boundaries are?
4. How do I stop all communication? I am afraid of losing his friendship. Every time we speak I feel like I taking a step backward.
5. My ex and I were together for three years but wanted two different relationships - him open and me monogamous. We both tried to become different from the other but could not. It created a lot of unsafely. It was so painful and we ultimately broke up because he wants love that allows for casual sexual encounters or other ‘love’. I hate it. I'm so judgemental that he would choose this over us. it feels so cheap and unsafe to me. Now I'm afraid. I'm afraid everyone...
So often we have a hard time claiming what we want.
Maybe because a part of us feels like we are not worthy of it...
Or deep down inside we truly believe that this person we are with may not be capable of giving us what our heart’s deepest desires.
Or we are dating someone and they don’t hit all the points on our wish list and we grow disappointed. We become afraid there won’t be someone else out there that is a better match, so we end up settling for a person that meets only some of our needs… abandoning some of our most precious non-negotiables.
But claiming exactly what you want is a natural filter because it eliminates those that don’t want the same things as you.
Because this journey is about you choosing, not being chosen.
This is, truly, unapologetically claiming your worth!
It’s about you saying NO more often to people that don’t feel good.
It’s about you building self-worth on your terms and that alone is the embodiment of...
I used to have this habit of staying in a situation well past their expiration date. I used to give everything the time to work itself out, often naively attaching to someone and something that was so damn toxic.
I won't feel guilty or apologize because I tried to see the good in people and circumstances, even though it cost me my own well-being.
Putting the relationship before my own needs was my standard operating system. Often, self abandoning, forgetting that I too can get broken. That I too can feel all the feelings or numb them when they hurt too much.
I most often tried to keep something together and forgetting the reasons why.
Maybe to avoid the pain.
Maybe to avoid the depths I needed to go to feel all my feelings.
Maybe to avoid walking away because the pain of the known often was better than an uncertain future.
This journey requires us to connect to the truth that something easy should not feel forced.
Something beautiful should flow, not remain stagnant.
Most of us have...
When relationships end, we find ourselves at a fork in the road with two paths.
We can do what most people refer to and "move on" and then go from one person to the next, looking for the one soul that is a good match and "completes us."
OR we can embark on a transformational healing journey.
The first path guides us to see our relational breakdowns and patterns as only something that is outside of us - only see what is wrong with the person we were with and say things like "they were so _______," or make it about us and say things like "I am so ______. I should have ________."
OR the second path, where we can choose to observe the pattern as something more profound - as our lifework to do in a relationship.
If we choose the first path, we will continue to create the same type of relationship.
A relationship filled with different but similar challenges. We will experience the same predictable ups and devastating downs and the inevitable letdown as things fall apart.
If we choose the...
In this video, I talk about how past abandonments you could get extremely anxious when going through a breakup. If you were abandoned by a parent you might be particularly vulnerable to losses.
Wherever we experience an ending, there is a part of us that feels lost. We often feel disconnected from who we are; in many ways, we lose a form of identity and leave us suddenly in a place of despair and reactivity.
especially at the beginning phases the little boy or girl in us feels afraid. We feel this sense of insecurity, of a perceived turbulent future.
We now need to get back on our feet, move on, find another place (if we're living together...) most often leaving us with this feeling of what the future brings forth.
Whenever there is a big change in our life, we are often left feeling uncertain of where life will bring us. It's perfectly understandable to feel like your world has collapsed. But ALL of your worlds has not. A big part, yes, but not all of it.
It is our responsibility to self-soothe, self-trust, and grow that security within and not put someone else or a relationship in charge of that.