One of the most significant social dysfunctions we have is we validate our self-worth based on our relationship status. So the premise is that if someone chooses us, we are worthy of being chosen.
So, we send ourselves a message that "my self worth is in the act of being chosen," not us consciously doing the choosing.
Essentially, we count on someone outside of ourselves to be responsible for our value, validate, and accept us.
We cannot be blamed entirely for this phenomenon because there also is this acceptable societal hierarchy when it comes to relationships. If we are married, we are at the top of the pyramid. Engaged is below that and single almost at the bottom. If we are divorced, we are shamed and relegated, even lower than being single.
What is disturbing about this pyramid is that we tend to value ourselves and other people with that same criteria. We assume that someone single is miserable and "should" have someone. Or even worse, there is something wrong with them.
The Seven steps to developing an awareness of your thoughts and feelings.
Your thoughts are an inner dialogue.
Three thousand thoughts go through the mind in an hour, most of which replay themselves repeatedly. In many cases, you leaned to think these thoughts from experiences from your primary caregiver, from childhood and you've most likely been repeating them since that time.
People's actions may trigger events and unpleasant feelings. However, they are not the cause. The real cause agents are what you tell yourself, and most of what you tell yourself operate subconsciously (80% or more actually). These stories you tell yourself stem from the beliefs you hold at any given time, most of which operate subconsciously.
Reasons for developing awareness.
Your ability to choose how you think allows you to regulate or choose your response to any triggering events. The stories you carry in your mind translate indirectly into your relationships. Specifically, how you process, interpret,...
Should I stay in my relationship or should I leave?
That's a very, very powerful question and a very challenging situation to be in.
Maybe there's a lot of fighting, maybe there's financial troubles, infidelity or abuse, and you feel worn out or you feel like you're out of options. You may have fallen out of love with your partner and your heart is looking for something more.
So we often think about leaving.
We're also left wondering if we've done everything we could to save the relationship. Maybe there are children involved, maybe there is a money situation that prevents you from moving out or moving on… Maybe there's some fear, you know, when you look at a lifestyle change you might find that you're afraid of being alone.
So things are just really, really complicated.
It can feel like a tug-of-war sometimes between what our hearts tell us and what we feel is the right thing to do.
It's very difficult for us to know when the right time to leave is, right?
I know during my...