We often have a hard time letting go of people that are not a good fit for us or not choosing us back as they should.
But one of the absolute requirements of a relationship is that both people choose each other.
It may sound weird, but this is the absolute truth.
It's a contract agreed upon by BOTH souls.
And if only one person agrees, it's not a relationship; it quickly becomes a "situationship."
It becomes someone hurting, wishing, grasping, and engaging in childlike behaviors.
So often, we don't realize that this hurt comes in at an early age when we had a parent or caregiver not there for us when we needed them the most, and so we are magnetically drawn to these people that don't entirely choose us and are not there for us as well.
It may sound too obvious, but part of the prerequisites of a relationship is someone that chooses you back. A all in, despite the challenges that a union brings.
Because it's in those challenging moments is when we turn towards each other and...
One of the most significant social dysfunctions we have is we validate our self-worth based on our relationship status. So the premise is that if someone chooses us, we are worthy of being chosen.
So, we send ourselves a message that "my self worth is in the act of being chosen," not us consciously doing the choosing.
Essentially, we count on someone outside of ourselves to be responsible for our value, validate, and accept us.
We cannot be blamed entirely for this phenomenon because there also is this acceptable societal hierarchy when it comes to relationships. If we are married, we are at the top of the pyramid. Engaged is below that and single almost at the bottom. If we are divorced, we are shamed and relegated, even lower than being single.
What is disturbing about this pyramid is that we tend to value ourselves and other people with that same criteria. We assume that someone single is miserable and "should" have someone. Or even worse, there is something wrong with them.